Spiritual carthasis

Breakdown in one's spiritual connection/journey.
A complete rejection of faith.
Disillusionment.
Lack of trust.
"That great big gap in the heart"

(I desperately need help)
There are so many ways to express this breakdown in spiritualism, mind not just a breakdown, a COMPLETE breakdown... But what is the cause? More importantly does it really matter? Having lived through nErly 17 years with this dysfunctional relationship, no major incident has happened... Much like our BTs, you won't know it till it hits home, but even before that you just couldn't care.

But I believe it matters, I believe in the monolithic creationist view of the world. There is a God, or many depending on what religion you might believe in. The highest of authorities who grants us the freedom to live our lives, asking oonly that we praise his name. Yet this isn't what I've been doing. Quite the contrary in fact... But lets not go into details eh? Before I start spilling all those dirty little secrets which are so drearily dissaproved of in public. Ironic isn't it...

So why the use of such a hyperbolic adjective? Might have been a bit too harsh I guess, but thats exactly how I feel now. I don't trust in God anymore. Not cause I have stopped believing in his omni-potent nature, but because of the essence of the faith. Looking at it from a dark sardonic point of view, I feel that some people trust in God because they're afraid. They've heard of the afterlife and pissed their balls worrying over it. To "ensure a place in their school of choice", they psych themselves into a reluctant commiment. I just absolutely find this disgusting.

There has to be another reason why people believe in a God. But most of the time it's just too abstract to even begin quantifying. But what I'm hoping for is that one of you blessed souls could possibly prod me in the right direction to nirvana....

Nigel...

Ps. You might wanna block me for the next 2 days or so... I'm abusing my new webcam....

Back to SJI

I went back to SJI today

With Daryl

Sigh...just realised how much i miss the school. I havent gone back this till today. Had a nice conversation with mr Sydney Tan. He asked us to sign his guest book. We had loads of nice conversations with many teachers. Too bad Miss tan had to go for lesson and was too busy to talk. Practically every teacher we met said to Daryl , " Oh you are back again!" All the teachers kept emphasising the importance of A levels.....i am scared.

Today's chem paper is the worst paper i have ever sat in my entire life. It is a confirm U. I think I might be glad to be in MSP cause it would force me to actually get down to studying. I sat near someone *ahem during exam though. I doubt the person even noticed me lah.

Anyway watching phamtom of the opera this week end....so excited yupps

sigh

brrreeeennnndddaaannn

Block Test One

Dunno how many of you still visit this god damn god forsaken place but for those of you who do... all the best for blog test one. may bt1 screw us over to wake up our bladdy ideas and start putting our act tgt for bt2 and so on and so forth. HAHA.

or maybe we'll all jz ace the tests and our names will all be on the board. who noes?