Spiritual carthasis

Breakdown in one's spiritual connection/journey.
A complete rejection of faith.
Disillusionment.
Lack of trust.
"That great big gap in the heart"

(I desperately need help)
There are so many ways to express this breakdown in spiritualism, mind not just a breakdown, a COMPLETE breakdown... But what is the cause? More importantly does it really matter? Having lived through nErly 17 years with this dysfunctional relationship, no major incident has happened... Much like our BTs, you won't know it till it hits home, but even before that you just couldn't care.

But I believe it matters, I believe in the monolithic creationist view of the world. There is a God, or many depending on what religion you might believe in. The highest of authorities who grants us the freedom to live our lives, asking oonly that we praise his name. Yet this isn't what I've been doing. Quite the contrary in fact... But lets not go into details eh? Before I start spilling all those dirty little secrets which are so drearily dissaproved of in public. Ironic isn't it...

So why the use of such a hyperbolic adjective? Might have been a bit too harsh I guess, but thats exactly how I feel now. I don't trust in God anymore. Not cause I have stopped believing in his omni-potent nature, but because of the essence of the faith. Looking at it from a dark sardonic point of view, I feel that some people trust in God because they're afraid. They've heard of the afterlife and pissed their balls worrying over it. To "ensure a place in their school of choice", they psych themselves into a reluctant commiment. I just absolutely find this disgusting.

There has to be another reason why people believe in a God. But most of the time it's just too abstract to even begin quantifying. But what I'm hoping for is that one of you blessed souls could possibly prod me in the right direction to nirvana....

Nigel...

Ps. You might wanna block me for the next 2 days or so... I'm abusing my new webcam....